Noem’s stolen purse just the latest in embarrassing headlines for Department of Homeland Security secretary

Gone but not forgotten — but not for lack of trying.

Kristi Noem departed from South Dakota this winter to become secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. Noem has left the state many, many times before while serving eight years in Congress and six years as governor. She regularly toured the country promoting herself as a possible national candidate.

When that failed, she campaigned across the United States on behalf of a convicted felon who was seeking a government job.

In her spare time, Noem was in South Dakota.

In the last three months, she has been in Washington, D.C., and on immigration raids around the country — as long as TV cameras were present and there was strong WiFi. That has not gone as well as she hopes.

More bad news arrived on Sunday, when Noem and her family were dining at Capital Burger, a restaurant in downtown Washington. A masked man — with her opposition to masks during COVID, she should have been alarmed to see him — snagged her purse.

He got away with almost $3,000, her DHS access card, passport, makeup bag, apartment key and other items.

Why so much cash? Noem said she planned to pay for Easter dinner for her family. Those must be some tasty burgers.

That report hatched a lot of jokes with the revelation that the director of DHS can’t even keep her purse safe. On Thursday, Noem talked about the theft on “The Vince Show” podcast.

Yeah, I never heard of it, either. But unlike most South Dakota journalists, she was willing to talk with Vince Coglianese, a former editor with The Daily Caller.

“It was kind of shocking, actually, because it was sitting right by my feet, actually felt my purse, he hooked it with his foot and dragged it a few steps away and dropped a coat over it and took it,” Noem said.

She said she felt a bump but assumed one of her grandchildren had accidentally kicked her. Secret Service agents were nearby, but they didn’t notice the theft. That must give Noem and other top officials a sense of comfort.

Let’s be clear: Theft is wrong. Stealing is bad. But the Homeland Security boss losing her purse in D.C.? That is both weird and funny.

I wonder if she will go along if and when the thief is nabbed. If so, what outfit will she wear?

Noem will don a robe when she returns to the state on Saturday, May 3, to serve as the commencement speaker at Dakota State University in Madison. She also will receive an honorary doctorate degree, despite the protests of the DSU Student Senate.

“She was asked to share remarks with DSU’s graduates based on her distinguished and ground-breaking career in public service, and her many efforts to support the citizens of the state of South Dakota and the nation,” a DSU release stated.

Translation: We want to stay on her good side.

“It is an honor to be invited to speak at DSU’s commencement this year, and it is a joy to accept the invitation,” Noem said. “These students have put in years of hard work to get to this point and I’m looking forward to celebrating this incredibly special day with them and their families.”

Translation: Turn on the cameras! 

Some students and South Dakotans aren’t as thrilled with her standing in the spotlight on this special day. A protest is under discussion and with the current mood of the country, it’s reasonable to expect a large gathering to “welcome”Noem back to her home state.

She will share the stage with DSU President José-Marie Griffiths, a London native with a bachelor’s degree and doctoral degree in physics, information science and computer science and statistics from University College London (UCL). Griffiths also received an honorary doctoral degree from UCL in 2016 for her contributions to science and higher education.

Noem’s secondary education history isn’t as impressive. She attended several universities and colleges when she was young, but failed to earn a degree. But that is not a drawback in South Dakota — it might be an advantage.

In 2010, she defeated Congresswoman Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, who graduated summa cum laude from Georgetown University, and cum laude from the Georgetown University Law Center.

Herseth Sandlin served in Congress from 2004-11 and appeared to have a bright future. But Noem waged an aggressive campaign — she is a skilled politician who enjoys meeting and mixing with voters — and unseated her. She has never lost an election.

During her first term in office, Noem “earned” a bachelor of arts degree with a major in political science from South Dakota State University. Noem said she did a lot of course work while flying back and forth to South Dakota.

The Washington Post dubbed her “America’s most powerful intern.” Now, she can add a doctorate to her list of credits.

Noem served four terms in Congress before returning to South Dakota to be elected governor in 2018 and re-elected in 2022. Despite her many protests that she was content in the state, Noem constantly toured the country to make speeches, meet big Republican donors and raise her profile.

Her use of state planes raised eyebrows.

Noem’s lust for attention hasn’t always paid off. She was widely ridiculed for her book “No Going Back,” in which she described shooting and killing a young, poorly trained dog and an ornery goat. Somehow, she thought that was a good idea and made her look tough and decisive.

Actually, she appeared cruel and ignorant. Of course, that works for some people.The Apprentice US Season 01 Episode 01 - Vidéo Dailymotion

Since taking office in the Trump administration, Noem has popped up on several raids conducted by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) teams. She has appeared in a variety of clothing and hats.

South Dakotans are all too familiar with that after the series of ads for the state that somehow always seemed to feature her. Noem has held many jobs in and out of government — apparently, she always wanted to be in show business! She saw what starring in a “reality” show like “The Apprentice” did for a struggling New York City developer and all-around rogue.

You have to give her credit — she has risen from being a back-bencher in the 

South Dakota Legislature to a four-term congressman, two-term governor and now cabinet member. Might as well give her an honorary degree, too.

My brother Vern graduated from DSU, and I covered the university for three years in the 1990s. Madison is an underrated gem of a community, and I congratulate the grads and their loved ones.

But it’s a shame DSU has selected Noem to preen and pose at its graduation. She was “an unwavering champion of Dakota State” as governor, the university said in a release, and was a strong supporter of cybersecurity. DSU focuses on that, and has an impressive employment rate for its graduates.

So, I wish them an enjoyable commencement and a memorable day.

I just hope Noem can deliver a good speech, let others have the spotlight — and guard her purse.

Fourth-generation South Dakotan Tom Lawrence has written for several newspapers and websites in South Dakota and other states for four decades. He has contributed to The New York Times, NPR, The London Telegraph, The Daily Beast and other media outlets. Do not republish without permission.

Photo: Noem seen during a recent visit to a prison in El Salvador housing recent deportees from the United States. Public domain, wikimedia commons