South Dakota Humorist Dorothy Rosby is excited about the new Barbie Doll -- now 65 years old -- that looks just like her.
Editor’s note: The above photo of one of Barbie’s precursors is a public domain 1872 pic from New Hampshire, posted on wikimedia commons.
I blame my lack of success in adulthood on the mediocre dolls of my youth. I have to blame it on something and that beats blaming me. Barbie dolls have been inspiring young girls for generations but I never had one. My dolls and I could never live up to Barbie’s perfect good looks, her globetrotting ways and her amazing career success. It’s really no wonder they made a movie about her.
She’s had 250 careers, from astronaut to ballerina to zoologist. She's been a yoga teacher, a soccer coach and an Olympic skier. And even with her hectic work life, she’s still found time for travel and hobbies. She cooks, camps and bowls. She plays tennis, baseball, basketball, hockey and volleyball and she has the clothes to prove it all.
Dr. Barbie, Farmer Barbie, Pop Star Barbie. Barbie’s message has always been that girls can grow up to do whatever they set their minds to—as long as they have the right wardrobe.
Meanwhile my inspiration was a couple of Barbie wannabes. I loved them dearly but they weren’t multi-talented overachievers like Barbie is, not if their clothes were any indication. I made many of their dresses myself using worn out socks. What kind of career can a doll have wearing old socks? That might explain why I work at home wearing sweatpants.
But there might be a Barbie in my future. Barbara Millicent Roberts—Barbie—made her debut on March 9, 1959. Yes, Barbie turned 65 this year. And you know what that means. Here she comes: It’s Medicare Barbie!
Why not? She may have a few age spots from her years in the sun as Beach Volleyball Barbie. And her figure might be less like an hourglass and more like a juice glass. But she’ll still look fabulous in a cardigan, stretch denim jeans and loafers. Yes, Medicare Barbie will wear sensible shoes. Wisdom comes with age. So do bunions.
And if Barbie can grow older, so can her clone friends. I see Tennis Barbie maturing into Pickleball Barbie. She’ll come decked out in leggings, a knee brace and a baggy T-shirt that says, “Pickle Ball: The Real Dill.”
Camping Barbie had her backpack and sleeping bag. I see her settling into a new role as Camp Host Barbie with a comfy lawn chair, a welcome sign and a fabulous motorhome. Camp Host Ken sold separately.
Obviously between her extensive travel and her many careers Barbie didn’t have time for children. So she’ll skip straight to Grandma Barbie, complete with two small children, reading glasses and an AARP tote bag.
But wait! There’s more. Our new mature Barbie and her clone pals will come together in Medicare Barbie, the movie. During one of their regular coffee dates Medicare Barbie will reveal to her friends that she’s having a late midlife crisis. Hilarity will ensue as they all become human and get colonoscopies, mammograms and matching tattoos. Then Barbie will find new purpose traveling the country to educate women everywhere about the importance of a healthy body image and the dangers of high heels. Now there’s something to aspire to.
Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.
