While Noem waits and hopes for Trump to pick her, she shares bizarre tale about shooting dog and goat

People who want to serve in high office love to talk about themselves.

Their family. Their faith. Their dreams for the American people! Vote for me me me me!!!!

Kristi Noem, however, has taken a different path in her bid to be former President Donald J. “Fartsy” Trump’s running mate. Noem (seen on the left, above, during a 2019 White House meeting with Trump in public domain photo posted on wikimedia commons) is talking about shooting a dog that she could not train, and, for good measure, an ornery goat. It was a twin killing on the same day.

Noem recounts this grim tale in her new campaign biography, “No Going Back: The Truth on What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward.”

It’s set for release in May, but some reporters have read advance copies. The story that captured early attention is when she shot and killed a dog named Cricket and a nameless goat.

Cricket misbehaved on a hunting trip, and she could not control him, even while using an electronic collar. Just picture that, animal lovers.

The hunt was spoiled, which annoyed our gun-happy governor. Things took a turn for the worse on the way home, Noem writes, as Cricket escaped when she stopped to visit some neighbors. The dog attacked and killed some chickens, so she decided something had to be done to put an end to the canine carnage.

So she took the poor dog to a gravel pit and shot it.

“I hated that dog,” Noem wrote.

She said Cricket was “untrainable, dangerous to anyone she came in contact with” and “less than worthless … as a hunting dog.

“It was not a pleasant job, but it had to be done. And after it was over, I realized another unpleasant job needed to be done.”

So, one animal down, a second to go.

Noem said a goat on their place was “nasty and mean,” smelled “disgusting, musky, rancid” and often chased and knocked down her kids. That hurt them and damaged their clothing.

Just like John Dutton on “Yellowstone” sends his foes “to the train station,” Noem dispatches her animal enemies at the gravel pit. However, she wrote, the goat was unwilling to go down without a fight, and it jumped at the last second. Her shot failed to dispatch it.

Noem said she returned to her truck, reloaded and finished the job. That’s when she realized a construction crew had witnessed the entire thing.

Bet they stepped lively after that display!

Noem said her daughter Kennedy wondered what happened to Cricket. If her mom didn’t tell her, she can read all about it.

Noem admits this is an odd story to share in a book when she is hoping Tired Old Trump selects her as his VP candidate. But, for some reason, she felt compelled to spill the beans.

Noem is among many contenders Trump has invited to Florida for a “retreat” — a perfect word, actually — from May 3-5. She will be there with a whole pack of unusual suspects who are lusting for a spot on the 2024 Trump ticket — Sens. Marco Rubio of Florida, Tim Scott of South Carolina and J.D. Vance of Ohio, Gov. Doug Burgum of North Dakota and Reps. Elise Stefanik (R-N.Y.) and Byron Donalds (R-Fla.)

There will be a lot of speeches, interviews and private talks with donors. Noem will likely hope dogs don’t come up often as a topic of conversation. Might be a bit awkward.

“I guess if I were a better politician I wouldn’t tell the story here,” she wrote in the book.

Well, it’s hard to argue with that assessment. It’s also worth noting that if she was a better shot, the poor goat might not have suffered as much, and if she was a better dog owner, Cricket would still be alive.

Tom Lawrence has written for several newspapers and websites in South Dakota and other states and contributed to The New York Times, NPR, The  London Telegraph, The Daily Beast and other media outlets. Reprint with permission.