South Dakota humorist Dorothy Rosby tells about Girl Scouts and their mission to serve by selling cookies

Girl Scout cookie sales used to take place in the fall. I know this is so because I have a distinct memory of an autumn day long ago when “Sarah” came by delivering cookies while I was raking leaves. Sarah was a devoted Girl Scout (probably like on of the Scouts above in a public domain photo posted on wikimedia commons) and one of my neighborhood’s top cookie sales women at that time.

I went into the house to get some cash. Then I paid Sarah for the Thin Mints and the Caramel Delights, set them on the step and went back to raking. Sarah watched me silently for a few minutes and then said, “Wouldn’t that be easier if you had some help?”

“Yes, it would,” I said, a little annoyed. I assumed she was wondering why my family wasn’t helping because that’s exactly what I was wondering. We have a big yard with two giant cottonwoods and enough other trees to start our own arboretum. Raking leaves in our yard is like shoveling snow during a blizzard.

Sarah left and I went on raking alone. Much to my surprise, she returned moments later with a rake and went to work. As she raked, she explained that the Girl Scout mission is to help humankind. And besides, she actually enjoyed raking leaves. Wow, I thought, what a kid!

Things went quickly then. It was a beautiful day. And I had help. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Sarah was a pretty good worker too. She was raking much faster than I was and I started thinking maybe I could slack off a little. 

But then Sarah interrupted my reverie to tell me that she made the raking go faster by daydreaming about the iPod she was saving money to buy. I might have imagined it, but it seemed like she added special emphasis to the words, “saving money.”

So much for the Girl Scout mission. So much for humankind.

It crossed my mind that Sarah might settle for milk and cookies, considering what I’d just paid for the cookies. But before I could ask, she told me how much money she’d already saved and how much she still needed for the iPod. Clearly milk and cookies wouldn’t do.

I decided to change the subject. I asked Sarah if she helped with the raking at her house. She said she did, but that she hated to rake in her own yard. 

“You don’t get paid for it at your house, huh?”

“Nope.”

In fact, she said that she hated raking at home so much that when she found a leaf in her yard that, judging by its color or shape, had obviously come from the neighbor’s trees, she threw it back across the fence.

I told her that seemed like a lot of work. “Don’t you think the wind will blow them right back into your yard.”

“Not if they rake it up first.”

“Well, don’t you think leaves from your trees blow into your neighbors’ yards?”

“They have more trees than we do. And anyway, they like to rake.”

“How do you know?”

“Because they’re always doing it.”

I decided to try a different tack. “But what about the Girl Scout mission? What about humankind? Don’t your neighbors qualify as humankind?”

“Not all of them.”

Ouch! I suppose it’s just as well. It could cost them. 

Dorothy Rosby of Rapid City is a syndicated humor columnist and the author of several humor books including Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to be Ticked Off  About:  Humorous Essays on the Hassles of our Time.  Contact her at drosby@rushmore.com