In an “us vs. them” world we need the joy of love and the power of empathy to guide our judgements and decisions
IIn an “us vs. them” world we need to the joy of love and the power of empathy to guide our judgements and decisions
The large, fluffy white dog was so patient, staying close to his elderly friend who walked very slowly with the help of a cane. He was joined by a woman, who also stayed close by his side. The man, whom I’d greeted for many years on my own walks, used to stride unaided at a fast clip. I understood. Walking a beloved dog through a beautiful park is pure joy and not something you give up just because your body complains of aches and pains.
The scene I observed that morning raised my spirit and brightened my mood, which was rather sour after reading news headlines proclaiming terrible things we humans do to each other. As I drove by, the song “The Joy of the Lord Is My Strength,” played on the radio. My mind quickly transformed the words to “The Joy of Love Is My Strength.” I envision God as the Spirit of love, not a lord or king. Acts of loving kindness strengthen my faith and give me hope.
Later that day I was listening to a news podcast interviewing Christian nationalists and quoting Elon Musk, who has said that “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” They discussed what Joe Rigney, a fellow of theology at New St. Andrews College, has called “the sin of empathy.” This was the first I’d heard about the idea that empathy could be wicked.
I learned that those who consider empathy as something that can be taken to a sinful extreme believe that when we immerse ourselves in the feelings of others we lose our ability to rationally consider what’s truly good for them. We may abandon our beliefs and judgments when committing the sin of empathy.
So what is empathy?
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines empathy as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.”
Understanding, awareness, and sensitivity do affect our thinking. If I can’t feel empathy for others’ suffering, I may make choices that benefit me and my group only. If I refuse to try to understand the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others, it will be easy for me to make cruel, unfair decisions concerning them. If I’m not sensitive to the needs of someone whose land or resources I want to take, my conscience can be clear, moral integrity intact. That’s why attempts are made to desensitize soldiers to killing before we send them off to break one of the Ten Commandments.
Those interviewed were especially concerned about how empathy affects people’s thinking about immigrants, the LGBTQ+ population, and others who may be suffering. They warned that empathy can lead to excessive compassion and the fear is, instead of helping those who are suffering, we will instead fall into a pit with them. They warned we must not get caught up in feelings (I assume strong feelings against empathy are okay) but instead hold fast to our beliefs and judgments so we can do good.
One of my beliefs is that empathy is important and the podcast made me even more convinced that engaging in empathy is valuable to decision making. Being sensitive to the feelings and experiences of people in the LGBTQ+ community has helped me eliminate fears that could cloud my thinking. Time spent with English language learners has provided me with a better understanding of why people enter the United States and how they benefit our communities. Truly listening to people with different needs and perspectives from my own has expanded my awareness. I would feel “sinful” if I judged people I hadn’t taken the time to understand.
Forgiveness requires empathy. The Sacred Lakota Pipe Carrier I interviewed regarding forgiveness realized lack of knowledge regarding American Indians led to prejudice and injustice. She didn’t like being judged by people who didn’t understand her and didn’t want to become like them. She said, “Nobody is going to make me hate.”
Without enough empathy we get caught up in condemning others and proving our side – our people – are the right ones, the superior ones. The “others” are a scapegoat for our problems and a foe to defeat. The value of cooperation and collaboration are forgotten as we battle to win or lose, not to reach a wise decision that considers all perspectives.
Have you ever been told you’re too nice? I’ve found being too nice means going along with someone or something so I don’t suffer. It’s easier to say “yes” than it is to argue with someone. We don’t want to make people mad, lose a friendship or job. So we go along to get along. Empathy makes it harder for us to go along with cruel, unfair actions.
Bleeding heart and do-gooder are terms that may indicate we’re trying to make ourselves feel good by doing good to others. Nothing wrong with that. However, without empathy, we may not truly understand another’s needs. The danger is we may make people feel incompetent or helpless, increasing their dependence on us for our own gain instead of providing them with dignity and opportunity.
Empathy helps us understand what someone needs and what they don’t need. It keeps us from judging people we don’t know by anything other than a label. In an “us versus them” world, we may believe a powerful, harsh lord or king is needed to protect us. But the joy of the Lord, as described in the Bible under chapters 8 and 9 of Nehemiah, is delight in a loving God that is forgiving, gracious, and compassionate. It sounds like an empathetic God to me.
When I’m not feeling kind and loving, I’m not joyful nor am I strong. I’m weak because I’m wrapped up in my own ego and personal expectations. My heart and mind are closed for business because I’m too busy being angry and self-righteous. I’ve no energy for empathy because fear and anxiety have depleted me.
The woman and the dog who walked beside the man in the park understood what he needed and respected his dignity. They walked beside him, sharing in his love of nature, fresh air, exercise. They were sensitive to his feelings. That’s empathy. That’s the joy of a loving spirit that is our strength.
Christy Heacock, PhD, is an educator with a doctorate in research psychology. She is the author of Being Human Is Hard: Choose Forgiveness. She grew up in Redfield, SD, and has lived in Rapid City the last 40 years with her husband Roger. Contact Chris at christyheacock@gmail.com or through her website: chooseforgiveness.com.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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